Communication with a child

How to talk to a child/teenager? 

Why are you talking?

Think it through yourself and let the young person know too! It is important to let the young person know why you are inviting them to talk. It’s good to be as specific as possible about what you’ve noticed or what concerns you. Let them know what options you have to help. Keep in mind that mental health topics can be embarrassing, so it’s crucial to approach these conversations with a supportive, respectful, and sensitive attitude. The typical goal is to more clearly define the issue and, if necessary, encourage further help-seeking.

Keep in mind that sometimes the goal is simply noticing and asking. If there is no immediate danger, we must respect the young person’s right to remain silent. Even if the young person doesn’t want to answer or talk in detail, offering the opportunity to ask and talk is very important and can help bring about positive change.

Time and place. It’s important to find a suitable time for the conversation, ensuring that both you and your conversation partner have enough time and don't need to rush off. It’s important to find a place where you won’t be disturbed and where you can sit comfortably facing each other.

Ask open-ended questions. Try to phrase your questions with the attitude that you are ready to listen to the young person and haven’t already decided what’s going on. Ask open-ended questions. If the young person isn’t very open to talking, ask something like: “Tell me more…” Provide examples: “Sometimes people act like this because… Has that happened to you?”

Pace. Keep the conversation at a calm pace. Don’t rush into giving advice; leave pauses in the conversation so the other person can add important information. Before concluding, ask if anything important was left out or not discussed.

Confidentiality and keeping secrets. Let the young person know if you are unable to keep the information just between you. These are situations where the young person needs help from other professionals. You can keep the details and specifics confidential, but if it turns out the young person is in danger, you must inform the relevant people. If the young person is already involved in treatment, the healthcare professional cannot share these details without consent, in accordance with data protection laws. However, if the family, school, healthcare or social workers, and the young person themselves are open to collaboration in addressing the issues, information can be shared between them. This requires discussing the matter and obtaining the necessary consents from the young person and their family.

Is it dangerous?

When assessing the danger and planning the behavior, also consider the information regarding whether the danger is in the young person's home, whether they have parents fulfilling a parental role, or if they are living alone and neglected.

Source https://peaasi.ee/silt/raagi/

Talking about feelings

We all have feelings. Feelings are there to help us - they tell us when things are going well and we are happy, excited, or proud. However, feelings also show us when things are not so good and we are angry, scared, or worried.

Talking about feelings can be difficult. Sometimes we don't know how to say how we feel, or we worry about what the other person might think. You may feel uncomfortable talking about how you feel or think that other people should already know how you feel.

 

Talking about feelings is very okay. Talking about our feelings helps us feel close to the people who care about us. It helps us work through our worries and adapt better. Putting our feelings into words can also help us control ourselves better when we are angry or upset.

When you know how you feel, it's easier to talk about it. Spend time alone sometimes to think about how you feel. Also, try to name the feeling. Are you happy or sad, angry, nervous, worried, confused, scared, excited, jealous, shy, embarrassed, disturbed, or surprised? If you have a hard time finding the right word, use a list of feelings or emotions to help you.

Learn to know your emotions. Ask questions like: How big is this feeling? Where in my body do I feel it? How does my body feel? What does this feeling make me do? What made me feel this way? Where did this feeling come from?

Think about what happened to make you feel this way. It's okay if you don't know the answer right away. You can still talk about it. For example, you can say: "I'm sad, but I don't know why."

Practice talking about your feelings. Try to put what you feel and why you feel it into these sentences:

I feel _____ because ____________.

I feel ______ when ____________.

Talk to someone about your feelings. Choose a person whom you feel comfortable with. It could be a friend, a parent, a teacher, or a relative. Find a suitable time and say you want to chat. Tell them how you feel and why. 

Talking about your feelings really helps you. Talking about how you feel and why will help you adjust and feel better. Sometimes talking makes your feelings less disturbing and scary. Talking helps you feel that you are not alone with your worries.

Child Helpline is there for you!

5 sentences to practice saying to a child or teenager who shares their concern.

• You are very brave for telling me this.
• I’m very grateful that you trusted me.
• I’m so proud of you for bringing up this topic.
• It’s not your fault that this happened.
• I will do everything I can to help you.

Source: Used source: Vapper, T. (2021). There is no one clear formula for recognizing sexually abused children. Õpetajate Leht, December 10. https://opleht.ee/2021/12/uhte-kindlat-valemit-seksuaalselt-vaarkoheldud-lapse-aratundmiseks-ei-ole/